


Not Ready Yet

by BestiaryArtistry



Category: Drawfee, Drawfee RPF, Drawga
Genre: Drawga-Freeform, Dungeons & Drawfee, Ladies Book Club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:26:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21696907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestiaryArtistry/pseuds/BestiaryArtistry
Summary: With Ryjinah and Tiffany out on a magic user-specific adventure, Rah'oxah and Legzi have the dorm to themselves for a few days. The plan was to just have a movie night, but Rah'oxah has some questions she believes her halfling friend might understand. In the midst of their conversation, Legzi gets a bit too comfortable and lets slip something she wasn't prepared to talk about yet.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	1. Emotions are Hard

Sitting on the bed in her dorm room, Rah’oxah looked over a small pile of DVDs. It was mostly a collection of action moves, some horror flicks… and one or two anime series. She’d watched all these before, it didn’t really matter which she put on. There was a mild buzzing sound emitting from the screen across the room, the aged disc player waiting to be activated. But it was quiet in the dorm otherwise.

Ryjinah and Tiffany were not at the dorm- they weren’t even on campus. Both of the spellcasters were on a three day field quest of sorts. Something to do with star alignments, it involved both Pelor and the undying deity Ryjinah’s warlock pact was with, somehow, maybe some other gods too, something about balance… eh, Rah’oxah hadn’t been paying much attention. Apparently it was a regular occurrence for a bunch of different deities, having some annual ritual thing. The university and its professors took students on these trips all the time, so Rah’oxah wasn’t worried about anything bad happening. It hadn’t sounded very dangerous, probably. She would have remembered if had, since that would’ve actually been exciting. With the two of them gone, the dorm now held only half of its occupants. Rah’oxah- and Legzi. 

The fighter stretched, grabbing the DVDs and trying to make a selection. She couldn’t quite recall the last time just her and Legzi had hung out, especially for the span of a couple days. It felt like ever since The Ladies Book Club had become close friends, way back when they were all little, they had made some collective unconscious decision to always hang out as a group. Very rarely was it just two of their trio. Rah’oxah shoved aside a few more cases. It would be a lie to say she wasn’t looking forward to some time with the halfling though. Rox generally wasn’t much for conversation, but Legzi was exceedingly easy to talk to. She had a knack for responding in just the right way to keep Rah’oxah talking back. Legzi also knew how to keep a secret, a fact that helped the eladrin feel more inclined to share more personally. To talk a bit more honestly, about softer things. The rogue understood feelings and could be trusted to stay quiet and not to tease her for any silly questions. Questions… or pondering… about things like- 

Rah’oxah’s phone beeped right as she settled on a film. “That’s good timing I guess,” she mumbled, scooping the device up. “Probably one of the girls, I’ll tell them we’re starting a movie so they won’t inter- oh.” A text sat on the screen, Demon Johnny’s name at the top. Just a simple polite message, asking how things were going with her and Legzi hanging out without Gina. It wasn’t anything significant at all, yet Rah’oxah felt heat dash across her face. She replied quickly, trying not to think too hard. ‘It’s quieter in here, about to watch a movie, should be fun.’ DJ’s reply was fast, promising to not interrupt their girls’ night, hoping they have a good night. Rah’oxah replied once more, then set the phone and took a deep breath. She and Demon Johnny had been dating for a while now- which was great, of course, but also stressful. It was a weird form of stress, something unfamiliar to Rox. Emotions were tricky things as is and now she had these new ones to contend with. Just as well though, to be thinking about it- Rah’oxah needed to steel herself to bring up her relationship if she had any hope of getting guidance on dealing with emotions. Legzi was good at that stuff, right? She definitely knew how to express emotions better than her at least.

The eladrin was yanked out of her head by a sudden rustling noise. She turned to see Legzi had appeared in the doorway, arms loaded with the classic hang-out supplies- gigantic bag of chips and a bowl for those, big soda bottle and corresponding glasses, and multiple packets of candy. The halfling grinned at her. “Got everything! You finally pick a movie or what?” Rah’oxah smirked, leaning over to take the items from her before something got dropped. “Yeah,” she said, raising the disc case as she moved toward the television. “Unless you wanted a different one?” Already on the bed and dumping chips into the bowl, Legzi shook her head. “Nah, whatever is fine. That’s one of Gina’s cheesy horror things, isn’t it?” “Yup.” There were two types of horror movies according to Ryjinah: legitimately creepy flicks with incredible special effects and absolute cheesy nonsense with the most over-the-top gore imaginable. Her taste had no in-between. Rah’oxah intentionally set the volume a bit low as the movie started, taking her place again on the opposite side to Legzi.

There was a comfortable lull for a couple of minutes. The crunching of chips, the hiss of a soda bottle being cracked open, the rattling of candy bags. Rah’oxah started to push aside her conversational intentions, she didn’t want to worry about that right now. Couldn’t she and Legzi just hang out, enjoy this movie, without getting into anything deep? _It’s not a big deal,_ the eladrin told herself. _I don’t need to talk about it, it’s fine, we should just relax._

“Alright Rox, spill it.” The halfling’s chiming voice might as well have been a slap to the face. Rah’oxah whipped her head around and was greeted by a knowing smirk and curiosity flitting in her friend’s eyes. “What are you- I, uh- I don’t know what you mean…” She stammered to a halt as Legzi calmly took a sip of her drink, raising an eyebrow. “Reeeally Rox? The volume turned way down? The stiff posture? I can see you thinking from the look on your face. So what is it?” Rah’oxah rubbed the back of her neck, half-smiling awkwardly. _Damned Rogue perception skills… or maybe it’s just Legzi. We’ve known each other for longer than we haven’t known each other, of course she noticed._

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” The eladrin sighed. “You got me, I did kind of want to talk to you about… some stuff.” “Great!” Legzi grinned, quickly shifting onto her stomach and putting her hands against her cheeks, kicking her legs in the air. “Tell me aaall about it!” Rox rolled her eyes at the halfling’s dramatized excitement, but settled into the mattress all the same, lying on her side. “Okay but I need you to promise me… none of this leaves this room. It’s… I know it sounds weird but this is- well it’s just personal and I- I’m trusting you with it.” There was a distinct pause as Legzi tilted her head, studying the eladrin’s face for a moment. Rox admittedly wasn’t the best at gaining insight on people, but she knew Legzi well enough that she could see the concern in her eyes. The halfling finally smiled. “Of course Rox- I’d never do anything less for my sister. This is between you and me, not a word to any other soul. Promise.” Rox smiled in return, a comforting warmth enveloping her at Legzi’s mention of their bond. She began to organize her thoughts, determining where to start. “Good. Well… it’s kind of about Demon Johnny. Or rather me and him. Um, relationship stuff is… confusing. You’re a lot better at interacting with people than me, so… I could use your help.”


	2. The Definition of Romance

Legzi blanched at Rah’oxah’s statement. “Um… are you sure you want to talk to _me_ about this? I’m not exactly, well, you know…” Rox waved her hand dismissively. “Very sure. Look, I’m not asking for relationship advice. Not exactly, I think. I can’t ask Gina- DJ’s her cousin. It’d just be… awkward. And you know how she is with romance stuff.” The halfling let out a weak laugh. “Over-enthusiastic? Wants every detail? Yes, I remember. I’m guessing you’re not looking for that much involvement?” Rox nodded firmly, Legzi nodding in turn. “Alright… well, first question. Are you and DJ like, okay?” 

“Of course! I mean, as far as I know. Everything seems okay.” Legzi blinked, appearing confused. “Well, what’s going on then?” The fighter flexed her hands nervously, tapping fingers against the mattress. “Just something I’ve been thinking about, a small thing, it’s not a big deal or whatever. I… you know how I’m not a fan of sappy romantic stuff?” The halfling coughed in the middle of drinking, hastily wiping her face with a chuckle. “ ‘Not a fan’ is too light an expression, Rox. You _HATE_ that classical romance shit.” “Right. But I’m like, dating somebody now, see? So how does that work, if I don’t like romantic stuff? Should I play along if DJ does something romantic? I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings or not appreciate the effort, these things always seem so involved and like…” Rah’oxah stopped, the words jumbling, panic seeping into her brain as a flush of embarrassment rose from her cheeks. _This is ridiculous, I sound so dumb. It can’t be that hard to understand, almost everyone does this, don’t they? Why am I talking about this, Legzi just wanted to hang out tonight._ “N-nevermind!” The eladrin blurted, snatching up some chips and avoiding eye contact with the halfling. “It’s stupid, I don’t know why I brought it up, don’t worry about it!” She heard Legzi sigh. “Come on, Rox, _I’m_ stupid, this isn’t-.”

The chips shattered in Rah’oxah’s fist as she turned sharply, almost yelling. “LEGZI! You’re not stupid! I thought we talked about this, just because the school didn’t initially-.” There was a smug grin plastered across the halfling’s face, her emerald eyes glinting with triumph. She’d baited her, she fucking _baited_ her out of her own head. Rah’oxah stared, uncertain if she was mad or impressed. The halfling held eye contact, awaiting a reaction. “You’re a real bastard of a rogue sometimes.” Rox finally muttered, tossing away the chip shards. “Thank you,” Legzi responded cheerfully, looking quite pleased with herself. “If you’re done psyching yourself out now, can you _please_ explain what’s worrying you? You don’t need to be all articulate and shit because you’re an elf, just say what it feels like.” 

Rah’oxah smiled softly. ‘Say what it feels like.’ She made it sound so easy. Rox could work with the other part at least- she was trying so hard to be concise, to explain quickly, in the simplest way, to just get it over with. So she didn’t have to dwell too long on her emotions, not allow time for the butterflies to start moving, not let the heat rise in her face, not deal with the whirling mixture of feelings that fogged her mind. But it wasn’t simple. It couldn’t be quick. She needed to give herself time to sort through the tangles, to feel through it, and be okay with a meandering conversation until she got where she needed to be. Legzi wasn’t going to care how long it took- she was patient, happy to listen, happy to just exist in the same space as her if she could act as a support. The halfling had fixed her with a calm gaze. Ready whenever she was. Rah’oxah leaned over and impulsively ruffled her friend’s hair. “You’re right. I think I’m good now.”

She let her rambling thoughts spill out. “I guess it’s like this. DJ and I have been dating for a while and things are going well- I think so anyway. I’m happy, he seems happy. But I’ve been thinking, no… worrying about something lately. I’ve been sort of trying to ignore it, but I can’t get it out my head so… I don’t like romantic stuff. Fancy restaurant dates, getting flowers, or jewelry, all that classic shit, it’s just not fun to me? I’m not confident I could fake excitement either. I… I feel like that’s a problem, right? Being romantic is how people show affection in relationships, I know what things are romantic, but none of it strikes me as something I’d enjoy. But I know that I really like Demon Johnny too- then again, even imagining that romantic stuff being offered by him doesn’t change my feelings towards it.” Rah’oxah groaned, raking her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Am I wrong about my feelings somewhere? I like our relationship but I can’t stop worrying about this- I’m going to end up hurting him if he does a romantic thing and I’m not excited. And that stuff is so much effort too- all that work. Plus it’s like an expected thing- what are other people going to think about us, or me? I know I probably shouldn’t care about that but I’m still concerned. It’s just- ugh, why is this so confusing?! Do you see what I mean?”

Having managed to release most of her concerns, Rah’oxah finally looked back to her friend. She hadn’t interrupted at all, though she had switched positions at some point while she’d been rambling. The halfling was now lying on her back, hands placed against her chest, fingers tightly laced together, brow furrowed with concentration. Legzi shifted her gaze to meet hers, partially loosening her hands to point with her index fingers. “I have two questions.” 

Rox felt a cold sweat break out on her neck. Legzi’s tone was level, almost calming, but her eyes were carrying a degree of seriousness that was decidedly unusual. The halfling could generally be counted on to be optimistic, happy-go-lucky, quick to laugh things off- the intensity behind her gaze right now was borderline disturbing to Rah’oxah. What exactly had she said to trigger this? 

“Which would be…” Her mind was racing. Legzi had to believe the situation was bad if she was reacting this way. And only two questions- she was forming an idea, that much was obvious. She just needed a couple of answers from her to complete it and the eladrin wasn’t sure she wanted to know what it was anymore. “First question,” Legzi said flatly. “Have you told Demon Johnny that you don’t like traditional romance stuff?” Rah’oxah hesitated, trying to recall if the topic had ever come up. “Umm… kind of indirectly? Like offhand comments when I see that stuff.” The halfling nodded slowly, continuing to stare at her. “Right, right… second question. Has he done any traditional romance stuff for you?” “Err… no. Not yet I mean, he still could, he could even be planning-”

Rah’oxah was startled at how quickly she cut herself off at Legzi’s motion. The halfling had raised her hand in a blatant ‘stop’ gesture, silently maintaining eye contact. It was so sudden and out-of-place for her- Legzi was confident but not like this. The almost harsh seriousness of her aura was closer to something that Rox would expect from Ryjinah, not the small cheerful halfling. Legzi brought her hands together again, sighing. “Okay, so he hasn’t done anything and is most likely aware you don’t like the classic shit… okay.” 

Legzi closed her eyes for a moment as she turned her head back toward the ceiling, Rah’oxah feeling some relief at the freedom from her intense gaze. A second wave of that relief crashed over her when Legzi’s eyes flickered open with their typical bright energy present. “Please tell me you have some kind of solution for this.” 

A soft chuckle issued from Legzi. “I dunno if ‘solution’ is the right word, but I’ve definitely got some thoughts… I hope that they’ll help.”

“First of all, do not get in your head about what other people think- your relationship is none of their damn business, alright? Second, you’ve at least partially shown your distaste for ‘traditional romance,’ that’s good. I’d say there’s a high chance DJ’s taken note of that and is respecting it.” Rah’oxah cleared her throat in preparation for a question, but Legzi didn’t seem to register the noise and continued speaking unhindered. “Here’s the thing though Rox, if you’re really asking my opinion. You’re thinking of ‘romance’ as like this one thing, a very specific set of gestures or activities or whatever. But I don’t think that’s how it goes. That stuff you’re saying- gifts like flowers, jewelry, chocolates, plush toys. Or doing stuff like fancy restaurant dates, walks on beaches, boat rides, whatever. That’s _traditional_ romance shit, the classic cheesy stuff you see in movies and sappy novels. But that doesn’t have to be the definition of romance.”

Rah’oxah settled down on the bed, leaning slightly toward her friend, again receiving no acknowledgement. Legzi was definitely going somewhere with this and the eladrin was intrigued enough to let her go until they landed. 

“Romance is supposed to be a nice thing, see? But if you’re not into the classical shtick, that sort of gesture wouldn’t be nice for you, especially if it’s known you don’t like it. I think that… I think romance can be anything really. I think all you need for it is something that would be special and kind for that specific person. It’s like... this is just what I think but… Romance is really just any meaningful caring gesture done for you by your partner. It doesn’t have to be candy and bouquets and candle-lit dates. It could be a new weapon wrap, a custom piece of armor, fighting monsters together, listening when you need to talk, even giving you space when you want it. You don’t have to do anything dramatic or bold or publicly for it to be ‘romantic.’ You can just go on a day trip together, it doesn’t matter where if it’s fun for everybody.” Legzi’s speech was growing more fervent by the second, hands gesticulating in emphasis. “You could fix something of theirs that broke, help them stay organized, bring coffee when they’re tired- even little things are good. Just kinda being there for them, you know? I guess… I guess what I mean is that I feel the important thing is that it’s meaningful. If your partner’s paying attention, cares for you, knows the things you like, and uses that knowledge to try to bring happiness to you, I think you could call it romance.”

Rah’oxah stared in bewilderment at the halfling, taking a few moments to wait. Legzi’s hands were still now, a wide gaze directed at the roof. Silence. Silence. A huffed laugh escaped the eladrin as she sat up. “Goddamn Legzi…” The halfling blinked sharply, bright emerald eyes snapping into focus. “Huh? What’d I say?” “You… unbelievable. _This_ is why I asked you about it. I’m sitting here all paranoid about not liking flowers and shit and you’re able to casually explain something that should’ve been obvious.” Legzi’s mouth twitched upward. “I dunno if it’s that obvious, everybody knows the common tropes of romance- but I’m hoping that means I was helpful.” Rah’oxah sighed deeply, leaning back as she felt the tension in her muscles unwind. “Very helpful. I just- You just dropped some solid philosophy stuff like it was nothing! How- I’m sorry, Legzi, remind me how the hell you haven’t dated anybody yet?”

Legzi jerked upright as a redness flared against her ears, her voice a whine. “Rooox! That doesn’t mean- I’m just good at observing people, that has nothing to do with dating! It doesn’t mean I’d be any good at all that.” The eladrin raised an eyebrow, pointing emphatically. “I fully disagree with that.” Legzi sheepishly rubbed at her flushed cheeks, narrowing her eyes at Rah’oxah. It was a feeble attempt at anger. The halfling’s proficiency in intimidation was situational- curled up in pajamas while blushing with embarrassment wasn’t terribly advantageous. “Yeah well… I guess it’s not a high priority for me. I mean, we went through a lot for me to get into Darkmouth and I don’t want to squander it. I want to do well. So I’m focusing on school right now, I don’t need to worry about dating too.”

“You know what, that’s fair.” Rah’oxah nodded in approval. “That’s what I thought too, but I somehow stumbled into a relationship anyway.” “Yeah, you got asked out and said yes. I haven’t even gotten that far.” Rah’oxah watched as Legzi fidgeted with the strands of hair that had fallen into her face. It seemed bizarre to her personally, that nobody had ever asked the sweet halfling out. Not even once? She couldn’t think of a reason why Legzi might lie about it though. Despite being in a relationship herself now, Rox didn’t consider it her territory to talk about crushes. Now that she thought about it actually… Legzi had never really talked about having any crushes, had she? Not even when Ryjinah brought up the topic, she’d always just said there wasn’t anybody she was interested in. Maybe she was cautious to let the tiefling in on it due to her over-excitement about that stuff. It was a reasonable assumption, Rah’oxah figured. Legzi had helped her a great deal with her advice tonight- if the halfling shared what or maybe even who she liked, perhaps she could help her back somehow? Legzi didn’t think much of debts, she gave without asking anything in return, but Rah’oxah felt obliged to give it a shot. It couldn’t hurt to ask. 

“Maybe not- but you’re allowed to ask a guy out yourself, you know?” Legzi didn’t turn any redder. Her blush faded if anything as she heavily rolled her eyes. “I’m aware of that, Rox. But there’s nobody I care to ask out.” Rah’oxah shifted awkwardly. “Ah, right. Err… well, have you thought about what you’re like, looking for in…” The eladrin trailed off, unable to ignore how Legzi was started to smirk again. “Hmm… excuse me, Rox, but you’re the one _in_ a relationship, don’t you think you ought to explain what you like first? I’m pretty sure you’ve never told me why you decided to say yes to Demon Johnny.” A deep grumble rose from Rah’oxah’s throat. _Goddammit._ She was right. She’d never talked about it and it was only fair for her to share if she really expected the same from Legzi.

“Gah, fine. Well, you know I’m all about strength. And Demon Johnny is strong, especially with his demonic transformation. But even without that… he’s strong in ways that I’m not. He’s like really intelligent, has good battle strategies, he can build weapons and tools, good at math and all that… I know that probably sounds silly but it’s impressive to me. Not all strength is physical, I can respect that. Plus he’s just really kind and understanding and stuff…”

Rah’oxah glanced over at Legzi to see she had pulled her knees toward herself and had her hands pressed against her cheeks. “Aww Rox,” The halfling cooed. “That’s so sweet.” Rah’oxah felt a milder blush swipe along her face and tossed a pillow toward Legzi. “Hush, Shortstack, you wanted to know!” Legzi squeaked, the pillow hitting with a gentle thump. The halfling continued giggling for a moment, then stopped as she brought the pillow down, hugging it delicately. “I mean it though.” Legzi murmured, a soft emotion on her face as she gazed back. “You seem happy with him. I’m really glad for you, Rox.”

“Thanks Legzi.” The eladrin smiled. It was good to hear that. Strangely relieving to hear that. Rah’oxah was often worried for Legzi, probably more than she needed to be. But she couldn’t help it. The halfling had been through a lot of emotional-stressing things in her life and despite acknowledging that Rox wasn’t the best at emotional support, somehow she kept ending up at her side whenever she was upset. Then again, Ryjinah did have a tendency to get pulled into others’ emotions- she was bad at staying calm. Calmness in feelings was a sort of skill for the eladrin. “Alright, your turn then. Any thoughts?”

Legzi sighed quietly, slumping her head against the pillow. “I don’t know, Rox, I really haven’t thought that much on it. Someone taller… hardly a benchmark for me, huh?” Rah’oxah couldn’t quite halt her snorted laugh. “I’ll say. C’mon, what about like skills or personality stuff? Other physical traits?” The halfling shrugged in her hunched position, head tilting back and forth. She appeared relaxed at least, that was good. The topic didn’t seem to be making her uncomfortable in spite of the hesitation she’d shown earlier. “I mean, what more do you ask for besides somebody who’s kind and thoughtful and genuinely likes you? Maybe more confidence, being better at confrontation than me- I don’t like picking fights, drawing attention to myself. Somebody I can trust, who respects me. Skills…? I suppose I don’t have magic but, no, no that’s not really important to me. And physically I… well, I guess I’m not 100% on what’s appealing to me, so I assume I’ll know what I find attractive when I see it…?”

Rah’oxah chuckled. Well, it wasn’t very detailed or elegant, but Legzi never was one to make things complicated. It was fair that she hadn’t worked out the finer points. Her statement about not thinking much on this definitely seemed honest, just the same as her tone throughout. She wasn’t lying, Rah’oxah was almost completely certain. “That was pretty vague, Legzi, but I understand. You just have a vibe you’re aiming for right now.” Legzi just shrugged again, a half-smile on her face. The halfling’s emerald eyes held a faraway look. Rox shifted her own gaze back to the long-ignored horror movie. How long they’d been talking was unknown, not that it mattered. The heavy part of the conversation was done, they could get back to movie night. “At any rate, I’m sure you’ll find somebody, Legzi. There’s plenty of handsome guys on campus _(I think)._”

Legzi made an agreeable mumbling sound as Rah’oxah reached for the remote, settling into a comfortable posture. “Mhm, yeah… I’m sure there’s lots of dudes that are good-looking around but-”

“Girls are so much prettier.”


	3. Unexpected Information

_‘Girls are so much prettier.’_

…

Wait.

**What?!**

The words hit Rah’oxah like a crossbow bolt through the skull, splintering and repeating. Did Legzi really just say that? Had she misheard her… no, that wasn’t possible, it was too distinct. So that meant Legzi… liked girls? Rah’oxah’s hand hovered over the remote, still looking to the screen, trying to process what she’d just heard. 

Maybe it shouldn’t have felt like such a shock- Legzi was always dismissive whenever crushes came up, tending to re-direct the subject. Surely this was why but… why? Why not say anything before? Legzi had nothing to fear from her friends knowing this, surely she understood that, right? Unless… she wasn’t confident that was true. Unless she really was scared they’d reject her for it.

Rah’oxah allowed herself just a few moments to swirl through this revelation. She needed to respond. The eladrin exhaled slowly, trying to focus back to reality. As she did, she noticed an odd tremor around her. Then the faint noises of the movie reached her… and nothing else. Not even the halfling’s soft breathing.

“Legzi, did you-.” She almost expected the halfling to be gone when she looked over.   
Legzi sat with her knees tucked against her small body, trembling violently with her knuckles turning pale from their death grip on the pillow. She was staring silently at her feet as tears rolled down her cheeks, but her head snapped toward the eladrin’s voice. 

A dagger might as well have been plunged directly into Rah’oxah’s heart. There was primal fear in Legzi’s eyes, a terror more deep and intense than anything she’d ever seen from her. Nearly being separated after high school, the perils of the road trip to college, the very real dangers they’d encountered since starting quests, her night terrors- all were frightening things to the halfling but this was something far, far worse in her psyche. Time for processing was over.

“Woah, Legzi, it’s okay! You don’t have to-.” She reached out for her friend but froze when she flinched at the movement. Legzi raised her head with a strangled gasp. 

“Nonono no No No! I didn’t- I wasn’t supposed to say that! Oh fuck I screwed up, this is bad, why did I say that-.” The look in the halfling’s eyes matched the panicked tone in her voice. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- I didn’t want to say that, I wasn’t thinking, please!”

“Legzi, Legzi, slow down…” Rah’oxah tried to keep the shaking out of her voice. “Why are you apologizing? It’s okay to like girls, you know me and Gina and Tiffany don’t care if-”

“NO!” Legzi surged forward, her small hands desperately grabbing Rah’oxah’s wrist. “You CAN’T tell anybody, Rox, please! Please don’t tell them! I didn’t even mean to say that, I wasn’t planning on… I’m not… I’m not ready. I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. I wasn’t trying to tell you…”

The halfling’s voice gave out, but her frantic gaze stayed fixed on Rah’oxah. The fighter only hesitated a few moments before carefully reaching over to place a hand over top of Legzi’s. “Legzi… of course I won’t say anything. If you’re not ready to be out, you don’t have to be. I… maybe I don’t get why, you’re safe here but- if that’s what you want, I would never betray that. We already agreed nothing said tonight leaves this room, right? I promise you, Legzi, I won’t tell anyone, not even our roommates. Okay?”

The panic slowly drained from Legzi’s face, being replaced by a different emotion that Rox couldn’t quite glean. Her hands dropped away, leaving her breathing heavily and her skin several shades too pale. “Thank you… I- I’m so sorry, Rox. I didn’t mean to bring it up but now I have and I… I fucked up really badly. I’m sorry.” Rah’oxah ran a hand along her arm, losing her train of thought as she noticed the tiny nail marks dug into her wrist. Legzi spoke again before she managed to collect herself. 

“I know you hate secrets, Rox. I didn’t mean to drag you into this, I swear… I’m sorry I’ve been hiding this, I just- I wasn’t really sure what was happening, it’s not because I don’t trust you. I- I trust you the most, but I didn’t know how to… I _don’t know_ how to talk about this, I’m not ready to deal with this.”

“And that’s okay!” Rah’oxah blurted, rushing to get her thoughts out before the rogue started panicking again. “Legzi, listen, that’s all okay. I don’t care that you didn’t bring this up before, being best friends doesn’t mean we have to tell each other every last thing. You weren’t _hiding_ this, it’s your business to share. I know you trust me and I’m fine keeping this between us. I’m not upset about having to do that, I just want you to feel safe. You are _safe_, I promise.”

The halfling nodded weakly, sniffling. She wasn’t actively crying anymore, but she winced in pain as she attempted to wipe at her eyes. “O-okay. I’m still sorry… I’m glad you’re not mad though.” 

Rah’oxah swallowed hard. The idea that Legzi thought she might’ve been mad at her because… why? Because she hadn’t come out earlier? Because she was gay? Because she needed time to tell other people and didn’t want Rox to out her? Gods, every option hurt. How could any decent person be angry at their best friend for something like that? 

She looked at Legzi, who surprisingly met her eyes. She looked… so vulnerable. Nerves shot, fear right at the surface, emotions raw as an open wound. Insight was easy now- Legzi was trying to calm herself down, trying not to hyperventilate, and thinking. Thinking about what would happen next. About how she might tell other people, when she’d tell them, how they would react. What if they reacted badly… expecting them to react badly.

The eladrin internally flinched. Being able to see through Legzi so blatantly was unnerving. A thought flashed through her mind that made her stomach twist into knots. If Legzi really feared somebody was going to be angry when she came out, was there a specific person she was thinking about? Was there somebody around Legzi that was a threat to her safety if she did come out? The idea simultaneously made Rah’oxah want to puke and punch through a wall. Unfortunately neither action would be very productive, so she needed another option.

“Hey Legzi? Do you need a hug?” The halfling glanced away again. Her face screwed up in frustration as she weakly punched the mattress by her feet. “I don’t _need_ a hug, I’m not a little kid.” Rah’oxah paused a few moments to let her grumble inaudibly before continuing. 

“Do you _want_ a hug?” 

The façade broke almost immediately once their eyes locked. Legzi nodded weakly, tears threatening to start up again. “Yeah, I do…” 

“For gods’ sake, come here then.” Rah’oxah reached out as Legzi scrambled over, carefully hauling the halfling into her lap. She promptly buried her face against the eladrin’s muscled shoulder with a soft sob. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay. It’s all going to be fine.” The eladrin rubbed gentle circles on the small rogue’s back as she spoke. She’d held Legzi like this before, when the night terrors gripped her and she needed reassurance that it hadn’t been real. She hadn’t died, nobody else had died, her friends were still here. Whether the same sort of murmured truths would help here, the fighter didn’t know, but it was something she knew how to do. “I’m right here, you’re safe.”

Legzi’s breathing finally shifted into something of a normal rhythm and she leaned away in order to look her friend in the eyes. “Thanks Rox. I feel a lot better.” Rah’oxah sighed with relief. The halfling did look better. Well, actually her eyes were still incredibly red and puffy. And she was drenched in sweat. And her hair was dishevelled (partially Rah’oxah’s fault, she had been patting her head). _But_ she didn’t look terrified anymore. She wasn’t trembling now either. Those were the important things. She closed her eyes for a moment, cautiously resting her forehead against the rogue’s. 

“That’s good, Legzi. Listen, I know you probably want to move on from this right now, but can I ask one thing?” Legzi gave a light pat to the eladrin’s head, causing her to pull back. “Sure I guess? I mean, I’m alright now, since this’ll be staying under wraps for… a while. If you’re still worried about that.”

Rah’oxah shook her head. “No, it’s not that. Well, it’s sort of a worry. I just want to be sure- is there somebody you’re specifically scared of knowing this?”

“I, uh, what do you mean exactly, Rox?” The halfling’s eyes flickered around before coming back with a look of confusion. Rah’oxah grasped her small shoulder. “I mean is there anyone who’s been like homophobic around you or even like picking on you at all? Anybody who’d be a threat.”

Understanding flashed through Legzi’s expression. “_Oooh_, I get you. No, no, no, there’s nothing like that, Rox. I don’t think anybody would be that upset to learn that I’m, um, ya know…” There was just enough hesitation in her voice that Rah’oxah found herself grabbing the halfling’s other shoulder, making sure she could properly read her face. “You think? Are you sure? Legzi, if there’s anybody that might hurt you-.”

“Rox, I promise you there’s not. You don’t need to freak out on anyone.”  
“But you’ll tell me if there is.”  
“Of course I will.”  
“Because I will punch them into the ground if they dare-.”  
“I know.”  
“They’re not allowed to threaten you. If anybody ever says anything!-”

“I know, Rox!” Her small hands plopped against Rah’oxah’s cheeks with a soft laugh. “I know you would do that, but that’s not something you need to worry about right now. Look, I promise if anybody acts like an asshat to me, you’ll know and you can enact vengeance however you see fit.”

“Alright, I suppose that’s fair.” Rox released her grip, allowing the rogue to fumble very un-dextrously out of her lap. Rolling upright, she made a passing attempt to neaten her hair before sighing loudly. “That was… a lot to throw at you, Rox. Thanks for, uh, handling that really well actually… and promising not to tell everyone else.”

“It’s no problem, Legzi. You’re not ready yet and that’s okay.” The halfling nodded with a bit more conviction. “Right, you’re right,” she said with another huffed laugh, retrieving her drink glass. “How did this even come up again?”

Colour tinged the eladrin’s ears. “I asked you for relationship advice and then had the bright idea to ask what you find attractive and well, I guess you did kind of answer that question.” 

Legzi shrugged, a minor blush flitting across her face. “In a way I suppose…” The fighter leaned back, finally feeling all the tension and awkwardness fade from the room. They could both relax now and the atmosphere tempted her into one little teasing comment, just to be absolutely sure.

“So, would it be terrible to ask what you’re looking for in a girl now?”

“Rox!” The pillow came hurtling back at Rah’oxah in conjunction with Legzi’s protesting shriek. Her expression betrayed her indignant tone. While she was flustered, blush spreading all over again, there was a sparkle of amusement in her eyes and a rapidly-failing effort to suppress a smirk. Maybe the halfling would share more later, but there’d been plenty learned for tonight. It didn’t seem the topic had been marked off-limits, at least between the two of them. That was a start. Now that Rah’oxah knew, she hoped the halfling would have a better outlook on eventually telling everyone else.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! We both know I’d be useless trying to set up anything anyway.” Rah’oxah feigned a calming hand gesture at the rogue, who merely stuck her tongue out in response, before turning her attention to the TV screen. Where they were in the plot, she had no clue. Not that it mattered, like a cheesy gore-fest had much of a plot. “Well, you and Gina can figure that out whenever you decide to tell her.”

A sharp choking noise drew Rah’oxah’s attention, glancing to see Legzi coughing a bit over her drink. “You okay?” The halfling sputtered for a moment, her small pointed ears noticeably reddened, before she cleared her throat. “I’m good! And uh- you’re right! Gina would- um- probably be helpful…”

The eladrin smiled. “She is a bit overzealous with relationship stuff, but she means well. Whenever you’re ready, of course.” Legzi nodded quickly, downing a large portion of her glass before swallowing hard. She cleared her throat again, then seemed to settle in and gestured at the remote. Rah’oxah obliged, clicking the volume up to a watchable level and pouring a glass of her own. It’d been a less-than-traditional movie night, but she’d call it a good one nonetheless. There was still a whole night left that could now be spent without intense emotional conversations. She’d bet money that Legzi would insist on cooking something tomorrow- she always did that to de-stress. The familiarity of the idea was relaxing. Relaxing enough for her to not realize that her halfling friend kept watching her from the corner of her eye and that a tinge of colour was still lingering on her ears. Remaining blissfully ignorant of Legzi’s other secret.  
...

_(You dumbass, what kind of rogue is that bad at bluffing?! Good gods… no, it’s fine, it’s fine. Rox isn’t great at insight, but… still need to be careful. You already let your guard down and admitted you’re gay, you do NOT need her finding out that you have a crush on Ryjinah on top of that.)_


End file.
